Batman V Superman....Porn Parody?

So I already talked about how I'm Not looking forward to this Batman V. Superman movie, and how I feel that this New DC Cinematic Universe is not good. Now let's talk about the Batman V. Superman Porn Parody. That's right! A movie that hasn't even come out yet already has a Porn Parody. I feel dirty just for knowing that, and Imagine how bad I felt when I actually did research.

God, that poster is a mess. I mean, I appreciate that they made XXX Superman look cooler than XXX Batman (Seriously, Look at him. I've seen better costumes from a High School play.)  And side note, Superman is being played by a former Gay porn star. So if Superman ends up fucking Batman in this, I wouldn't be surprised. And why does he have an X shield? He's Superman, not Xuperman. Now let's talk about the leading ladies, because you can't have porn without Trampy looking girls. 

If I'm being honest, They actually don't look that bad. Okay, they're not good, but they're passable. I'm gonna talk about them individually, because if I've learned anything from Easy A, it's that Slut Shaming is a fun game. Alison Tyler as Wonder Woman. My, oh my, where do I begin with this. I know Wonder Woman is pretty busty in the comics, but that is just gross. As a guy, I do like girls with big juds, but when they get too big, they go from sexy to grossly unappealing. Aside from that, the costume seems well made. The skirt area looks very nice. Britney Amber as Poison Ivy. Wait, is Poison Ivy even in Batman V. Superman? Anyways, let's talk about this. I hate it. I really do. Aside from the red hair and the green clothes, nothing about this screams Poison Ivy. No flower pieces on her hair. No leafy Bra. She looks more like an Egyptian than Poison Ivy. Kleio Valentien as Harley Quinn. They didn't even try. They just bought a Harley Quinn Arkham City costume from Ebay and slapped it on a tramp. I might not be a fan of Margot Robbie's suber duper white Harley Quinn (She looks like she found Lindsay Lohan's cocaine supply and took a bath in it) But at least they made her look cool and hip. Aiden Ashley as Catwoman. This one is the best out of all of them. She does look like Catwoman. That cat suit looks very nice on her, and she's the only one on this list that looks like a classy kind of sexy as opposed to the other ladies who just look like sluts. If she played Catwoman in a future DC movie, I would have no problem believing it. And Finally, I saved the best(Worst) for last. Carter Cruise as Supergirl.

Girlfriend has alot going on. I don't know where to look. At the S symbol? At those hooker boots? at those man nipples? Let's just evaluate the whole thing. First of all, those sleeves are not working. Blue, Red and Gold? No! Then those hooker boots make her look less of a superhero, and more of a 4th of July dominatrix. And those nipples. To be fair, No offense to Carter Cruise. She's very beautiful, but are they supposed to be that small? Anyways, this outfit could've been made better, and I know what you're thinking. Doesn't this picture look familiar? Like you've seen this before. Particularly a preview picture for an upcoming CBS show? That's right! This is a parody of the new Supergirl show coming to CBS. And if that wasn't enough, look what the director of this porn parody posted on twitter. 

"As a hardcore (no pun intended) comic book fan, nothing upsets me more than when a mainstream adaptation totally fucks up a superhero costume (David E. Kelley’s Wonder Woman, anyone?).
Sadly, it just happened again with Supergirl’s tragically uninspired, pantyhose-happy, impossibly lame outfit from the new CBS TV series. Saying that I am flabbergasted by how terrifyingly bad it is would be a gross understatement. Never in a million years should a porn parody have better superhero costumes than its mainstream counterpart. And yet…

Here’s the first official image of Carter Cruise as Supergirl, from my upcoming “Batman v Superman XXX: An Axel Braun Parody”. You’re welcome" 

Okay, Axel, first of all, you make porn. And second, CBS Supergirl's costume is 100 times better than than that bodysuit mess. It's classic, it's clean cut, and Simple isn't always a bad thing, especially if it's for a character like Supergirl. And by the way, Taking away Supergirl's red skirt is just as awful as taking Superman's red underwear away. It's just a really bad costume. Sorry porn fans (I can't believe I just said that.) So, am I Gonna see Batman v. Superman xxx parody? Well, I only have one thing to say. This and the real Batman V. Superman movie can both burn in hell for all I care!