So this new trailer for Batman V Superman came out at Comic-Con, and I've got to say, it made me kind of want to see the movie. Don't get me wrong. I know it's gonna be a bad movie, but this trailer is so bad that it's kinda good. I already stated on how I'm against this new DC movie universe because it was built upon a rotten foundation (Man of Steel) and only exists to cashgrab the Avenger's success. But unlike the Marvel Cinematic Universe, there was no love, care and thought put into this new franchise. It's just the Zack Snyder sucking the fanboy's cocks instead of giving us a Man of Steel sequel that fixes the problems of the first movie. Instead, we get Batman. Lots and lots of Batman. If I never hear about that BAT-tention whore again, it would be too soon. Anyways, let's take a more in depth look at the trailer.
So the trailer begins with a Helen Hunt look alike going "People must know the truth!" Superman is being trialed for the destruction of Metropolis, because humans suck, I guess. What would they have rather happened? Superman not doing anything and letting Zod and his crew take over the earth? Comic book civilians are kinda dumbasses.
Then we cut to billionaire Bruce Wayne. He's upset because Superman and Zod's little tussle in the first movie resulted in one of his buildings getting destroyed. "I know he saved humanity and sacrificed the only other member of his species in doing so, but he knocked down my favorite building! Now he has to pay!"
Then the next part introduced Wayne's Batman persona, along with a guy tied up with a batman sign burned on his skin. Why do I have a feeling that this movie is going to be Bat-fanboy porn?
Then it shows Perry White yelling at Clark Kent. "You! Man who's previous jobs were fisherman and bar waiter who's now suddenly a journalist for some reason! Stop talking about Batman!"
Amy Adams is still here. And she's still supposed to be Lois Lane. "You're special, Clark. You mean something. I'm just saying the same dialogue I said in Man of Steel, only this time it's more contrived. I'm a talented actress, yet I'm wasting my talent on this shitty franchise" And why is Lois the support card for Superman? Lois is supposed to be snarky and gives it to you straight, not doughy and supportive. You might as well call her Mary Jane.
Then we see some people on top of a roof during a flood. There's an S-shield painted on top of the roof. It's good to see that there's people who are passed "Evil! Different!" and are actually grateful to the Man of Steel. I mean Superman. Not the movie. Man of Steel sucks.
Then Superman is at his farm with his mom, and she's literally giving the same speech Clark's idiot father gave in the first movie. "People fear what they don't understand, son. You don't owe them anything."
By this point, they're just putting up random images
Then we see Helen Hunt being lead to a room by the Asian chick from Pacific Rim and talks to Meg Ryan from Kate and Leopold.
Then it shows Meg Ryan taunting Superman. Jeesh! No wonder she doesn't get cast in movies anymore.
the next clip shows Yoko "Oh, No" walking with a large box. She makes Nicole Richie look like Cedric the entertainer.
Yikes! This is a face I never thought I had to see again.
So much for a gritty, dark universe. This is starting to feel like those infamous superhero porn parodies for some reason. #BurnInHellRobin
Oh, look. A gypsy woman stole Madonna's clothes. First Lady Gaga, and now you.
And seeing how this is a Superman/Batman movie, the fight scene from The Dark Knight Returns has to be in it. Good luck trying to make it fit into the plot!
We interrupt Batman V Superman to show you the leftover shots from the Lone Ranger.
Wait, what is this?
Oh, no. Not this again. Please, no! If I had a dollar for every time Batman's origin story is told, I would be rich. Does this have to be in the movie? Can't you save it for when it doesn't feel completely forced. And BTW, I had no idea that Batman's dad is Jim Carrey.
Close your mouth, boy. You'll catch flies.
Wonder Woman's here too, I guess. yay?
Words cannot describe how stupid this looks.
Now, this is either the scene of a horrible crime, or this is the school from Degrassi. I can't really tell the difference.
The next clip shows Meg Ryan looking at a large piece of Kryptonite. If I were you, I'd smoke that thing, seeing how you're career is going nowhere.
I want to know what love is. I want you to show me.
Moneyshot
Superman has now taken on the form of Joey from Friends.
I'm pretty sure this is just gameplay clip from Arkham Knight.
It's like catching lightning, the chances of finding someone, like you.
Well, that was my thoughts of the Batman V Superman trailer. I guess the only thing left to do is to do is drink this mess away and hope you'll forget it when you wake up.
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