Tuesday, May 5, 2015

Gritty and Emo: How Batman killed the DC universe

    batman-v-superman-affleck-cavill
      Warning: This Post is entirely opinion based. If your a Batman fan, don't bitch about what's on this post. It's my opinion, not yours. 

If you're like me, then you probably saw Avengers: Age of Ultron this weekend. And if your even more like me, then you probably loved it. Oh, god I love the Marvel Universe! The movies there are an even blend of action and comedy. Now, let's look at their main competition, DC Comics. aside from the gritty, emo and all that pancake make up Margot Robbie is wearing, I see whole lot of nothin', and that's a real problem. Remember in 1978, when Superman, the grand-pappy of all superheroes got a movie? it was fun action packed and a million other things. Now, seeing how one DC superhero became a movie star, what would DC comics do? take another DC superhero and give him his own movie. I am of course talking about Batman. You know, that Dumb Adam West superhero with shark repellent and dressed like a tiny flying mammal? Superman had all these cool powers, how could this loser be taken seriously? Well, in 1989, the impossible happened. DC turned Batman from a lame wierdo of questionable sexuality, into a dark, brooding seeker of justice. The film was directed by then newcomer Tim Burton, and it showed a side of superhero movies that we haven't really seen before. Darkness.
     Then after that, people became obsessed with this new dark, gritty version of superheroes. This led Batman to become as popular as Superman himself, and in the coming years, probably even more popular. And that's where this Superman Batman feud began. Some people were like "Oh, Batman is so awesome because he's gritty! Superman is lame because he's happy with his life!"  and others were like "Batman is gay and emo. He always has been. #SonofKrypton" Superman and Batman fans have been on each other for years, and It's not going to stop anytime soon. Anyways, since Batman was so popular, DC comics closed all their shades, and became dark. They wanted everything to be dark and scary...Like Katie Holmes' marriage to Tom Cruise.
     Fast forward one year after The dark knight rises, we have Man of Steel, DC's lame attempt at making Superman more like Batman. And that's the problem. Superman isn't Batman. He's not dark or emo. He's happy, and I hated Man of Steel for taking away that happy, boy scout Superman, and replacing him with Jesus allegory. lots of Jesus allegory.
     After I saw Man of Steel, I hope it wouldn't get a C-quel. But when I looked at IMDB, the first thing I saw was "Man of Steel 2" I wanted to kill myself. But hey, this could be an opportunity to redeem the terrible first movie. I became pretty optimistic, until I found out who Superman's Co-star would be. who's Moapy and Emo? Who dresses like a big gay bat when fighting crime? Who's always dragging his friend/Foster son/boyfriend/whatever into crime fighting? None other than the Holden Caulfield of superheroes, Batman. At this point, I'm like "Really, DC?" and "Take a break, Bats! You Emo Attention Whore!" It hasn't even been seven years since his movie franchise ended, and DC want to inject him into Superman's movie frachise? Sellouts!
     Then Later on, I found out that Wonder Woman and Aquaman are going to be in it, and then I realized it. This isn't Man of Steel 2, It's a Justice League Prequel. An ugly, gritty prequel to a line of movies that will only exist to be the bizarro Marvel Cinematic Universe. Where Marvel movies are fun, likable and advertises their Characters equally, DC movies are Emo, dark, depressing and made for Batman fans to Masturbate to. I don't care how many people like Dark and Gritty Superheroes, All I can say is that I am not going to see Batman V. Superman. No force on earth can get me to see it! Why? because of Batman! I'm not saying I hate Batman, but I am blaming him for turning the DC universe into the inside of Edgar Allen Poe's head.

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